Come on Down!
by 2017tnt
Summary: When SpongeBob and quite a few of his friends (and rivals) got nominated to be on a new game show, it just seemed like harmless fun. Until Plankton turned out to be the host, that is. Who will win? Will anyone emerge unscathed? How the heck did this show get network approval? All this and more to be revealed, but first, come on down! (ON INDEFINITE HIATUS)
1. One: Fun and Games

**Chapter One: Fun and Games**

* * *

Six o'clock PM. SpongeBob's least favorite time of day.

In more neutral terms, closing time at the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob was grilling up the last few orders in the kitchen while Mr. Krabs counted the day's profits. Meanwhile, the dining area became almost empty, with Squidward taking an extended bathroom break as the final customers of the day wrapped up their early dinners.

With a flourish, SpongeBob swept the last Krabby Patty of the day off the grill and tossed it onto the bun with pinpoint accuracy. After a slice of cheese here, some seaweed there, a dash of ketchup and mustard to paint the meat with a smiley face, and a little bit of love (as SpongeBob put it, anyway), it was ready.

"Order up!" SpongeBob said this to no one, since Squidward was being useless, as was to be expected. Thus, SpongeBob merely threw the order, plate and all, towards the customer's table. His aim was perfect- had the table been a target, he would have hit the bullseye.

As the last customers exited the restaurant, Squidward followed them out the door, charging at top speed to get away from the primary source of his misery. On the other hand, SpongeBob stayed behind, wanting to help clean up.

Unfortunately for him, there was just nothing to do. The place was scrubbed clean so often that except for the occasional piece of trash, everything was spotless. Thus, after collecting his meager wages from the day and bidding Mr. Krabs farewell, he began the bittersweet trek home to his pineapple.

However, before he got there, something unusual made him stop. "Okay, what's this about?"

A frenzied crowd had gathered in front of a bus station, all of them pushing and shoving each other in their desire to reach… something. They were packed so tightly together that squeezing through would be near impossible, and SpongeBob wasn't exactly known for being tall, so he couldn't see over the masses, either.

Suddenly, Squidward extricated himself from the mob, a ridiculous-looking grin on his face. SpongeBob approached him, asking, "So, Squidward, what's with all the hubbub? And… what's making you so happy all of a sudden?"

To SpongeBob's surprise, Squidward responded in the most cheerful tone SpongeBob had heard him use in months. "Can't you see, SpongeBob? This is my opportunity to get my fifteen minutes of fame! All I need to do is call the number, and then I can be the next contestant on a game show!" Then, he ran off, laughing hysterically.

SpongeBob shook his head. "Game show? What game show?" SpongeBob didn't get much time to watch television back at home, so he hadn't really seen many game shows before. His television only having a few channels (the sports channel, the news channel, some channel where they showed these weird slapstick cartoons centered around coconuts, and a couple of public access channels) didn't help.

Once the crowd in front of him dispersed a little, he managed to slip through to the front and get a good look at what everyone else was so excited about. It looked like a fairly simple flyer, but the contents of said flyer were what appeared to be the catch.

-o-

_A brand new game show will start airing next week on the Bikini Bottom Public Access television network!_

_This show will test the strength, mental capacity, and resistance to chum of all our contestants! The winner of each episode will take home a grand prize of fifty thousand dollars!_

_Thirteen episodes have been slated to air, starting this Tuesday at 7 PM! Make sure you're home to see it! If you're not on it, of course!_

_Contestants needed! If you desire to be on this show, call the number below to earn your spot!_

-o-

The number had been scrawled below.

"Game show? Oh boy, I love games! I bet Patrick would want to hear this," said SpongeBob. After scrawling the number on his arm the best he could, he ran for Patrick's rock, laughing the whole way there.

-oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo-

Five minutes later, he'd arrived. After screeching to a stop in front of the big rock, he knocked as hard as he could. "Patrick! Open up!"

The rock flipped open to reveal Patrick, sound asleep. His television was playing one of those coconut slapstick cartoons in the background, but the lights (or whatever lit his rock up, anyway) were off.

SpongeBob didn't waste a second, darting over to Patrick and shaking him like crazy. "Patrick! Wake up, wake up, wake up!"

Patrick went from "asleep" to "awake" in about five-hundredths of a second and sat up even faster than that. "SpongeBob, what's the big deal! I mean, today's…" He trailed off here.

"Today's Tuesday, Patrick."

"Tuesday! Right," he replied. "I always try to get extra sleep on Tuesdays."

"Sleep can wait, buddy," SpongeBob said. "I have great news!"

"They brought back the super-deluxe Krabby Patties back at the Krusty Krab?" Patrick started salivating a little when he said that.

"Even better," SpongeBob beamed. "I can get both of us a spot on a game show!"

Patrick vaulted to his feet, way faster than he should have been able to. "Game show? I love games!"

"Me too, Pat! Come on, let's go find a telephone so we can secure our spots!"

SpongeBob picked up Patrick's phone, some old-fashioned monstrosity made out of sand, and dialed what he hoped was the correct number (emphasis here on _hoped_, since he had minimal experience with this kind of phone). After a dial tone, a grouchy-sounding female voice stated, "You've called the line for spots on Bikini Bottom's newest up-and-coming game show. We are currently experiencing a massive influx of calls, so there may be a bit of a delay here. You will be referred to a helper shortly, but while you wait, please enjoy this selection of soothing tropical music."

A calm beat filled the room as SpongeBob and Patrick waited. After fifteen minutes of this, they were about ready to give up, thinking that all the spots had been taken already. However, that idea got firmly rejected once another voice began talking. "Hello? Are you calling about the new game show?"

It sounded slightly familiar, but neither SpongeBob nor Patrick could place it. In the end, it didn't really matter, as SpongeBob picked up the phone anyway. "Yes, we are. I'd like to get two spots, if possible. One for me and one for my best friend in the whole world."

"Of course that's fine. We're filling up fast, though. Can you two come to the first episode? It's not live, everything's pre-taped, so it'll be done on Sunday at around 7 PM," the voice said.

"I can do that!" SpongeBob let a smile spread from ear to ear. "That's a whole hour after I get off work at the greatest job in the world!"

"Thanks for the extra information," the voice said, now sounding a little annoyed. "And your friend?"

"Yeah, I think he'll be fine," SpongeBob said. Then, he whispered to Patrick, "Will you be fine?"

"Of course!" He screamed this into the phone, causing the operator to yelp noticeably in pain. "Sunday it is!"

"Okay then," the voice groaned. "Just arrive a half-hour before the taping is scheduled to start. It'll be at the empty boat warehouse, about half a mile outside Bikini Bottom."

SpongeBob had been there a few times before since it was where Squidward had held his band practices before the Bubble Bowl. It made sense that the show was being hosted here- the place was huge, it was empty, it had plenty of seating space available, and right now, all it was doing was gathering dust.

"Will be there, my good man," SpongeBob said.

"Sounds excellent," the voice said. Then, with a semi-creepy chuckle, it added, "I look forward to seeing you two," before hanging up.

SpongeBob and Patrick were both smiling ear-to-ear. "Can you believe it, Patrick! We're going to be on a game show in less than a week! I can't wait!"

Patrick was on board as well. "I can't either! If only Sandy had built, like, a time machine or something so we could jump forward right to the game show!"

"Aw, no need," SpongeBob replied. "We've already got its equivalent working for us right now!"

Patrick, understandably, was confused. "Wait, what?"

"Yeah," SpongeBob said. "It's called a time card!"

Patrick began scratching his head, trying to make sense of all this. "Well, how's that supposed to work?"

"You're about to find out, buddy!" SpongeBob grinned as he felt it begin to take effect. Suddenly, their surroundings blurred, their hearts raced, and everything around them disappeared.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

-Hey there! I've had this idea for quite a long time (since 2015, in fact), but I've never gotten around to putting it on paper (or in a Word document). I just thought it'd be a fun little piece of lighter fare I could write to counteract the effects of the two super-dark, super-edgy ones I've got going on right now. Hope you enjoy it!

-Whenever you see this (-oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo-) that implies a small time-skip has occurred. I did it that way to try and mimic the bubble transition from the show.

-This story is rated K+ for cartoon violence (like the slapstick that SpongeBob is known for) and mischief.

-See you next chapter!


	2. Two: A Familiar Cast

**Chapter Two: A Familiar Cast**

* * *

5 DAYS LATER

In an instant, the two of them found themselves in a poorly-lit room with a single glowing strip of light marking where the exit door was.

SpongeBob squeezed Patrick tight. "You see? We're at the game show already!"

Patrick finally made the connection with the few brain cells he had. "Oh, so that's how it works!"

"Yep," SpongeBob said. "Whenever that guy states an amount of time, we suddenly jump to whatever point is specified! Now come on, let's meet our fellow contestants!"

They both darted to the exit door and threw it open, revealing the sound stage where the bulk of the show presumably took place. Even now, a handful of workers were running around making some last-minute adjustments while a few more moved the spotlights around to try and get the best possible effect.

The stage itself currently looked deserted, save for a few chairs. As for the others who had been selected to appear in this episode, they were either waiting somewhere else or hadn't arrived.

"Well, it looks like we're the first ones here," SpongeBob said. "Hey! While we're waiting, why don't we try and find the host? That'd be fun."

Patrick nodded so fast that if he'd had a regular brain, he might have jolted it loose. "Yeah! So fun!"

They searched the place from top to bottom for the next ten minutes or so, but couldn't find anyone except for the workers putting the finishing touches on everything. After a while, it began to seem odd, since they'd searched as many places as they could (and in Patrick's case, even ridiculous ones like inside the toilet tanks and under a loose tile in the floor), and hadn't even found another competitor. It just didn't add up.

"Maybe our first goal is to find the host or something," SpongeBob said, chuckling nervously.

"Maybe he's invisible," Patrick added.

However, when the time came to finally return to the room they'd started in, it had become much more crowded than before. Now, the stage was fully set with several gleaming podiums, one for the host (with the name conspicuously missing from it) and the others for the contestants. Each one was lit up by the beam of a spotlight, so bright Patrick squinted while he looked at it. A giant computer monitor sat behind the host's podium, currently stating, "The show will begin in about ten minutes. All contestants, please prepare to start at any moment."

Strangely enough, though, that wasn't what attracted most of SpongeBob and Patrick's attention. It was the competitors they'd be squaring off against.

Squidward visibly cringed and looked away once he saw that both SpongeBob and Patrick were there, mumbling under his breath, "they're here, too?" Mr. Krabs stood up straight, an insane smile plastered on his face, while Pearl waited alongside him, looking utterly bored. Sandy, still wearing karate gloves, practiced some moves against thin air as she waited. Mrs. Puff had brought some trivia questions with her to both keep herself occupied and practice in case the game had a trivia round. For whatever reason, even Squilliam had been brought on the show for some reason. He was leaning against a wall without a care in the world.

SpongeBob scratched his head. "Uhh, Patrick, don't you think it's weird that we know all these people?"

"Not really," Patrick said. "I mean, this had a pretty good chance of happening, right?"

"Patrick," SpongeBob said, "the likelihood of this happening by chance was about 1 in 17 quintillion, so-"

"Oh, so it was really likely then," Patrick said. "Come on, let's go say hello to everyone."

The others saw them before that could happen, though. Mrs. Puff recoiled, hiding behind Mr. Krabs and Pearl. Pearl barely reacted, although Mr. Krabs smiled. Squilliam either didn't know or didn't care about them. Sandy was too busy practicing her moves to notice them at first, but when she saw them, she waved enthusiastically before starting to chop and slash again.

Before SpongeBob and Patrick could reach them, however, the intercom system started up, announcing, "All contestants, please report to the stage. Taping will start in less than five minutes. Once again, all contestants should report to the stage."

At that, the eight of them began moving in a sort of cluster, not tight enough to make the feeling uncomfortable but close enough that an outsider could tell they were a group. When they arrived at the stage once more, the workers had vanished, but in its place was a complete stage set. Each of the eight of them now had their names written on one of the podiums in fancy gold lettering. The host's podium (still missing a name) waited at the opposite end of the stage. Each of them now came with a microphone and a pen, probably for saying and writing down answers, respectively. Finally, the monitor in the back had changed a little, now saying, "We are ready to start taping. As soon as you are prepared, we will begin."

SpongeBob's podium, unfortunately, was across the stage from Patrick's, so they had to shout to communicate with each other. "Hey, Patrick! Are you ready to have some fun?"

Patrick flashed a massive smile. "Of course I'm ready to have fun, SpongeBob!"

"I can't hear you!" SpongeBob started yelling even louder. "I said, are you ready to have fun?"

Patrick's started bouncing up and down. "I can't wait to have fun!"

SpongeBob, impossibly, started yelling even louder after that. "I still can't hear you! I said-"

"SpongeBob, Patrick, could you please shut up?" Squidward shut off that conversation pretty quickly, looking like that well-worked vein in his forehead was about to burst. "The creatures that live on the moon could probably hear you, you can definitely hear each other! Also, _some of us_ would like to practice so we can win the grand prize, you know!"

"Sorry, Squidward! We won't talk as loud!" Patrick shouted this as loud as he could, just to make sure Squidward could hear it. Based on the expression on his face, he could hear that just fine.

Sure, SpongeBob and Patrick were on opposite ends of the room, but they were far from the only people on stage at the moment. Mr. Krabs and Pearl, to no one's surprise, had been placed together, with Pearl being right next to Patrick. Squidward and Squilliam, to everyone's surprise (and their ire), had been placed next to each other as well. Mrs. Puff was right next to SpongeBob, and Sandy was sandwiched between her and Squilliam.

A voice from offstage yelled, "Is everything set?"

Someone else responded, "Almost! Just make sure no one's trying to cheat!"

That, fortunately, was a quick process. The person they sent to do that made short work of it, although he did spend a full minute or so examining Squilliam's unibrow, just to make sure he wasn't hiding a speaker or any devices in it. (He wouldn't have been the first.)

Once that was done, the intercom started up once more, with the same person saying, "We're starting in fifteen seconds! Put on your stage face!"

Spongebob checked his pockets for a second before sighing, a dejected look on his face. "Oh, darn it. I left that one at home. I have a sporty face with me, though, would that work?"

Squidward glared at SpongeBob. "It's an expression, SpongeBob. Just look presentable when the cameras start filming!"

SpongeBob's face reverted to its usual smile. "Oh, okay! Thanks, Squidward!"

Squidward just groaned in response. Unfortunately for him, that was the precise moment they started filming.

With a swell of cheerful music, whoever was manning the intercom began their opening spiel. "Games. The one thing that brings everyone together, besides, well, breathing and blinking and eating and-"

Another voice cut him off. "Not important! And stick to the script!"

"Fine, fine," the first voice responded. "Tonight, eight hopeful contestants will fight to the death-"

"No! It is not a fight to the death! Give me the mic," the other voice said. What followed turned from a brief argument into what sounded like a vicious scuffle. Suddenly, a third voice yelled, "Cut, for Neptune's sake, cut! Let's try this again!"

Less than fifteen seconds in, and they'd already had to stop taping. Sure, Squidward would be happy that he wouldn't look like he'd drank vinegar right before the show started, but as for everyone else, all they wanted to do was get this show on the road already.

"Well," SpongeBob said, "we're off to a great start."

"Yeah, this is awesome," Patrick responded. Although, SpongeBob wasn't sure if he was talking about the show or the gigantic sandwich he'd seemingly pulled out of thin air.

As the sounds of fighting coming from the intercom intensified, it had been made pretty clear that this would be far from an ordinary game show.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

-Hope you enjoyed this part! There's going to be one more introduction chapter after this, then we're launching into the actual game show. Some parts will be parodies of popular game shows, others will be original content.

-As for the contestants, I stuck mostly to major characters to keep the cast from getting totally out of hand. I included Pearl and Squilliam over other minor characters mostly to make tournament formats easier (if it comes to that) and to create some additional dynamics. (And if you're wondering why Plankton and Karen aren't here, haven't you read the description?)

-Again, hope you're enjoying this so far, and see you next chapter!


	3. Three: What Did I Sign Up For?

**Chapter Three: What Did I Sign Up For?**

* * *

It took a while for the disaster that had been the co-announcers they hired to get sorted out, but it had finally been handled.

By now, it was almost 7:30, meaning that they were starting a half-hour late at absolute best. SpongeBob had no idea how long the game show was going to take, but at this rate, feeding Gary before he left had definitely been a smart idea.

Two new co-announcers (who were on good terms with each other, luckily) were situated in the booth, about to get started, as everyone waited impatiently behind their podiums, hoping that this would get rolling as soon as possible. Pearl had cheerleading practice tomorrow, Sandy wanted to brush up on her karate moves before the big tournament next week, and Squidward- well, when was he _ever _patient?

Soon, however, one of the co-announcers yelled, "We're live!" Just like that, the show proper had started.

This time, the announcers bounced off each other just fine. The first one started off the opening speech as music swelled in the background. "Ask anybody, and they'd say there are two things that bring people together. They enjoy games, and they feel pain."

"I found out about both of those things during middle school dodgeball," the other announcer remarked.

"And now," the first announcer said, "we're bringing the two of them together in the most entertaining way possible!"

"Wait," Squidward said aloud. "Did he just say that the primary feature of these games is pain?"

"And to those of you wondering if the primary feature of these games is pain," the second announcer said, "I have one thing to say to you: HECK YEAH!"

Squidward shook his head. "Oh, great. This is going to be nothing more than an excuse to pummel us over and over again, isn't it?"

The announcers continued on, unperturbed by the whispering that had broken out onstage. The first announcer started the speech back up. "And now, let's introduce our co-host, Karen, uhhhhhh…"

"It's just 'Karen,' dude," the second announcer reminded him.

"Right! Let's properly introduce our cohost, Just Karen!" The first announcer shouted this into the microphone, causing it to echo around the room. The second announcer just groaned in response.

Karen emerged onto the stage- or wheeled herself out onto it, to be more accurate. As was to be somewhat expected, it was the Karen all of the contestants knew.

SpongeBob, to no one's surprise, wanted to know more. "Karen? You're behind this show?"

"Behind part of it, anyway," Karen responded. "I created bits and pieces of it, but only my husband could come up with a scheme this ridiculous and think it was the greatest thing since sliced bread."

It only took SpongeBob a few seconds to make the connection. "Wait, did you say-"

The announcers interrupted him before he could finish his sentence, however. The second one appeared to have taken over the microphone, and yelled, "And alongside Karen, let's introduce our wonderful host, SHELDON! J! PLANKTON!"

The spotlights came on, the fanfare reached a crescendo, and they even piped in some canned applause to really sell the point, but no one appeared on stage. Second after second crept by, and nothing changed, even as the applause and fanfare died away. If he could, Squidward would have played the sound effect of crickets chirping.

"I said, let's introduce our wonderful host, SHELDON! J! PLANKTON!" The announcer yelled much louder this time, hoping that he'd be heard by the host, but to no avail. The stage was still missing a host.

The second announcer whispered something to the first announcer, but the only thing anyone was able to make out of it was the word "megaphone." However, that was enough for everyone on the stage (except Patrick, of course), that was enough for them to realize they probably needed to cover their ears unless they wanted to go deaf.

The second announcer, however, didn't do such a thing, since one of his hands was holding the microphone and the other was holding his newly-found megaphone. He sucked in a deep breath, before screaming at the top of his lungs, "I SAID-"

"CAN IT, YOU MINIMUM-WAGE KELP-FOR-BRAINS!" A new voice cut the announcer off, one which the eight on stage knew quite well. As Plankton rose into view on some sort of motorized pedestal, he'd grabbed a megaphone of his own (a tiny one, but just as powerful as its full-sized counterpart) to respond to the announcer. "Some of us would like to retain use of our eardrums, if you don't mind!"

Everyone else, save Karen and the announcers, gulped. Plankton was no stranger to causing others pain, be it mental or physical. If he had his way, all of them would be oozing off the stage in puddles by the time the show was over.

"Hello, citizens of Bikini Bottom, along with whoever else gets this network for some reason. My name is Sheldon J. Plankton, but you can just call me Plankton. I'm hosting this wonderful show, but I'm nothing more than a set-piece. The real people you'll need to know are the contestants, so let's introduce them, left to right!"

Patrick started bouncing up and down again. "Me first! Me first!"

Plankton happily obliged. "Patrick Star. One of our brawniest contestants, but a little lacking in the brain department- I'm honestly surprised he found his way here without signposts. Even better, it's rumored that he has an IQ of -14!"

"Wow. That's really high," Patrick said. Plankton ignored this and moved on.

"Pearl Krabs. Teenaged, hyperactive, and full of wild cheerleading energy! She's so pumped up, I'm worried she might split the stage in half!"

"You bet I will!" Pearl yelled this, producing her pom-poms from who-knew-where. "I prepared a whole routine just for the show!"

"We don't have time for that right now," Plankton said. "Next up, we've got Eugene Krabs, her father and the absolute bane of my existence! If I had my way, he'd be cooking in a steamer right now, but unfortunately, that'd violate the terms of my ridiculously oppressive contract!"

Mr. Krabs didn't take that well. "Ridiculously oppressive? You do realize that'd be murder, right?"

Plankton kept going, unperturbed. "To his right, Squidward Tentacles! The grouchiest person this side of Bikini Bottom…"

"Hey! I am not grouchy," Squidward yelled. "It's not my fault that I'm sandwiched between two nincompoops who have no idea that _some people_ would like peace and quiet every once in a while!"

"Whatever," Plankton said. "An octopus with severe anger issues who'd like to ditch his dead-end job!"

"SHUT IT!" Squidward screeched this at the top of his lungs. "I do NOT have anger issues!"

"Okay, okay," Plankton replied. "Just calm down before you shatter all the windows. But next to him, we've got his polar opposite in almost every way, Squilliam Fancyson! A wealthy socialite with nothing but time on his hands, he's an improvement over Squidward in almost every way…"

"I HEARD THAT!" Squidward was fuming so much, you could practically see steam coming out of his pores.

"But what he has in money, he more than balances out with his personality, which is almost as charming as Squidward's! I'm not even sure why he wanted to be here, anyway!" Plankton was starting to run out of steam, and his calm host's presence was starting to vanish, being replaced with snark and sarcasm.

"I thought it'd be fun to beat Squidward again," Squilliam said. "And it's not like I have anything better to do with my time."

"Continuing onward," Plankton added, "Sandy Cheeks! One of the most feared karate fighters in town, and a complete science nut! Pun entirely intended there, folks. She's probably going to drive me up the wall by the time this show's over, though!"

"Of course," Sandy said, "with my ka-rah-tay reflexes! Hi-yah!" She slashed in the direction of Plankton, causing him to yelp.

"We're in the home stretch, people," Plankton said. "Let's finish this so we can get to the fun part! Next in line is Mrs. Puff, first name unknown! She's been stuck at a minimum-wage teaching job for the last twenty years of her life, and is ready to earn her ticket out of this town!"

Mrs. Puff smiled. "And I'd finally get away from that yellow bane of my existence!"

"And our final contestant," Plankton said, "is that bane of her existence, SpongeBob SquarePants! Completely hyper, totally out of control, and definitely going to get on my nerves!"

"How would I do that?" SpongeBob clearly didn't get the saying. "Wouldn't I be too big? I'd just crush you!"

"That might honestly be preferable in the long run," said Plankton. "But, now that we know all our contestants, it's time for the first… wait, is Patrick asleep?"

The others turned to get a good look, and sure enough, Patrick had passed out, head on his podium, snoozing away despite the bright lights and loud noises. How he'd even drifted off in the first place was beyond Plankton.

"Ugh. Can someone wake him up so we can get started already?" Plankton, to no one's surprise, was not in the mood for Patrick's stupidity.

Pearl volunteered for the job, shaking him so hard she accidentally knocked him off the stage. With a thud that caused everything to shudder a little, Patrick hit the floor. Thankfully, this at least got him awake, although now he had a nasty shiner and had possibly lost a tooth. He didn't seem to care about that, though, giggling like a maniac as he returned to his podium.

"Well, now that everyone's here, we can finally get started, folks," Plankton said. "And what a perfect time to do so! It's time for the first game of the night, WHEEL! OF! MISFORTUNE!"

Squidward audibly groaned. "Something tells me this one's going to hurt."

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

-In case you couldn't tell, the next chapter (or possibly chapters, depending on how many jokes I can get out of it) will be dedicated to a parody of Wheel of Fortune. I've already got the rules laid out, and everything will be explained next chapter.

-Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and see you next chapter!


	4. Four: Spin the Wheel

**Chapter Four: Spin the Wheel**

* * *

The contestants, minus SpongeBob and Patrick, looked more than a little miserable as Plankton began to narrate the rules.

"Here's the deal," Plankton said. "This entire show will be based on a point system. You lose or gain points depending on your actions, or just blind luck. Whoever has more points at the end of preliminary games will get advantages in the final round. And our first point-relevant game is Wheel of Misfortune! Karen, take it away."

Karen didn't hesitate for a second. "Round One: Wheel of Misfortune." The corresponding text appeared on the gigantic monitor in the back, as the sound of clapping filled the room.

"Hey," Squidward said. "How did the audience get here? The seats were empty like five seconds ago!"

"I wouldn't ask if I were you," Mr. Krabs said back.

Karen either didn't hear or didn't care about what they said and continued to drone on, with everything she said appearing on the screen behind her. "A word or phrase will appear on the screen. A round of this game ends when the phrase has been completed, either by every letter being filled or the contestant solving the puzzle early."

She paused for breath (which didn't even make sense, since she was a computer) and continued right afterward. "When it is a contestant's turn, they will spin the Wheel of Misfortune, which will land on a number, one through five, corresponding to the difficulty of the following misfortune."

Squidward's hand shot up faster than a rocket. "Wait, what is she-"

"A task will be randomly selected from the stack that matches that number," Karen droned, cutting Squidward off. "After hearing it, a contestant can choose to either try it or pass it. If they pass it, they must choose a contestant to pass it to, and that contestant cannot pass it off to someone else."

Squilliam smirked at Squidward, who growled in response. No doubt, they were going to take delight in forcing each other to do horrendous things.

"If they play it and successfully finish the misfortune, they gain that many points, and that many letters are revealed. However, if they fail to make it all the way, they lose that many points and no new letters are revealed. Points can become negative, by the way, so don't think that will protect you from losing points," Karen added.

"Can you slow down? I'm kind of lost," Patrick said. "For starters, what numbers are between one and five?"

Karen chose to ignore him. "If they pass it, and the contestant they pass it to successfully finishes their misfortune, they steal that many points from the player who passed it to them, and that many letters are revealed. If that contestant fails, the person who passed it steals that many points from them, and no new letters are revealed."

"Hold up, hold up," Sandy said. "So you expect us to just steal things from our friends? Do you have any idea of how friendships work?"

Karen actually broke stride for a second to respond. "Yes, I do. That's what makes this so fun!"

As Sandy frowned, Karen kept on chugging through the rules, which were starting to get everyone a little confused. "If a misfortune is successfully finished, whoever did it gets a chance to solve the puzzle. If they solve correctly, they gain one point for every letter that hasn't been revealed, and the round ends. If not, they lose a point for every letter that hasn't been revealed, and the round keeps going."

"Oh, great. I'm terrible at word games," Patrick said. "How am I supposed to win now?"

"There'll be other games," SpongeBob reassured Patrick. "Just do your best."

Karen finally, finally, finally wrapped up the rules. "We'll select which contestant goes first via a random number generator, and turns will move left-to-right from there, looping around if necessary. Even if someone passes off their misfortune, the order never changes. Now, let's display the puzzle…"

The puzzle promptly appeared on the board, and it looked to be a doozy.

* * *

**Category: Phrase**

**_ _ _ , | _ _ _ | _ _ _ | _ | _ _ _ _ _ _ _ | _ _ _ _ _ _ | _ _ | _ _ _ _ ?**

* * *

"Alright, Mrs. Puff, it appears you have been selected to go first," Plankton said. "Now, give that wheel a good spin!"

She complied, although more out of wanting to put on a brave facade than anything else. The wheel made a full revolution before the arrow stopped on a wedge marked _2._

"Looks like this misfortune is worth two points," said Plankton. "And it's going to be…"

The misfortune displayed itself in clean handwriting on the massive screen, but that didn't make the task any less daunting. "Listen to a sitcom laugh track for approximately three minutes without a break. You will be sitting in a room where it's playing, and you will forfeit the points if you leave the room."

"Oh," Mrs. Puff said. "That doesn't sound too hard…"

"Here's the catch," Plankton interjected. "You're not allowed ear protection, and we calculated the sound to be approximately 107.8 decibels." He then paused to mutter to himself, "it was going to be louder, but our stupid network backers were all 'that's going to cause permanent hearing damage' and refused to fund us until we backed off on that."

"Never mind," Mrs. Puff said. However, a small grin emerged as she came up with her plan. "I pass the misfortune off to SpongeBob. He deserves a taste of his own medicine!"

SpongeBob smiled. "Well, I do buy the cherry-flavored medicine for a reason, Mrs. Puff," he said. Apparently he had no idea how most common sayings worked. However, as he walked off the set to the room they'd set up for this misfortune, he yelled out to Mrs. Puff, "I won't let you down!"

"Please do," Mrs. Puff whispered under her breath.

Plankton turned to the audience, saying, "Alright, everybody, let's count this down! Start from five!"

With that prompt, the entire audience started counting down, but most of them ignored Plankton's movements to try and synchronize them. This led to everyone finishing at a different time, causing everything to blend into an incoherent, ear-grating mess.

Which was immediately replaced by the even more incoherent, even more ear-grating mess of about half a dozen stock laugh tracks mixed together in the most obnoxious fashion possible. The noise got so bad, even Plankton had to cover his ears, but not before he turned in the direction of the announcers and started yelling at them. "Hey, imbeciles! That room was supposed to be soundproofed!"

His rant was rudely interrupted by SpongeBob starting to laugh along with the laugh tracks, adding another painful noise to the mix. "Oh, Neptune," he said, "why did that challenge have to be passed to that yellow nitwit?"

After 180 seconds (which felt like 180 years to everyone on the stage) all the noise cut out except for SpongeBob, although his voice mercifully faded right afterwards as he was escorted out of the room. "That was fun, Plankton," he said. "Can I go in there again?"

"I really hope not," Plankton said. "SpongeBob, you've stolen two points from Mrs. Puff. Karen, can you update the puzzle?"

Karen happily complied, as the first two letters appeared on the board.

* * *

**_ _ _ , | _ _ Y | _ _ _ | _ | _ _ B _ _ _ _ | _ _ _ _ _ _ | _ _ | _ _ _ _ ?**

* * *

"Krabby patty?" SpongeBob took a wild guess, even though there was no way that could be right.

"No," Plankton said. "Okay, Squidward, it's your turn to spin the wheel!"

Squidward strode up to the wheel with confidence, winding up before spinning it as hard as he possibly could. His efforts appeared to pay off, as the wheel made two full revolutions before its arrow finally settled on one of only three wedges (out of 50) with a _4 _on it.

Karen drew a card from the correct pile, and the misfortune appeared on the large screen in the back as Karen began to narrate it. "You have to wade through a fifty-meter-long pit of… essentially quicksand without getting stuck, which means you have to be moving forward the whole time you're in there." Then, he shouted, "Karen! Reveal the quicksand pit!"

"On it," Karen said, wheeling herself over to what appeared to be a long box covered with a tarp. In one stiff, jerky motion, she yanked the thing off, revealing a gooey black substance that did _not _look pleasant to walk through. SpongeBob gasped a little upon seeing it, realizing he'd gotten caught in that once before.

"Uh, Plankton? That stuff wouldn't happen to be from the Bikini Bottom Tar Pits, right?"

"Of course it is, you blockhead," Plankton replied. "Where else could I get free stuff like this from? It was originally going to be wet cement, but that was way too expensive."

Squidward interrupted their conversation with a loud grunt. "I pass this misfortune off to Squilliam."

Squilliam didn't look happy about that, but he also didn't waste any time. He jogged over to the pit and leapt in at one end, slowly beginning to slog through. Every step looked like a massive struggle, but he refused to give up. That is, until he reached the halfway point and his legs appeared to stop working. No amount of jerking or attempting to throw himself forward could force him any further.

"Well, that settles that," Plankton said. "Squidward, you steal four points from Squilliam but don't get any new letters. You can try to solve the puzzle if you wish."

Squilliam still hadn't been able to move. "Look, I get that you want to rub it in that I didn't get there and all, but can someone get me out of here?"

Plankton cursed under his breath. "We were kind of banking on you making it through that…"

Squilliam was having none of that. "So you're just leaving me in here?"

Before that argument got too heated, Karen interjected with an idea of her own. "Let's take this as an opportunity to go to commercials. What other misfortunes will our contestants have to endure? Who will solve the puzzle? And what's in that quicksand pit over there? Find out when we come back."

The camera crew turned off their devices temporarily as Squilliam struggled in the background to free himself. Others were rushing to help him, but they weren't making much progress.

Plankton turned to address the others. "Just get comfortable, because I have a feeling we'll be here for a while."

The others nodded. Except for Patrick, who had fallen asleep again.

At the rate things were going, they were probably going to be there all night.

* * *

**Current Scores:**

**Squidward: 4**

**SpongeBob: 2**

**Mrs. Puff: -2**

**Squilliam: -4**

**All Other Characters: 0**

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

-Because the site didn't want to preserve my extra spaces to denote new words, in puzzles, "|" represents a space.

-Hopefully, you liked this game! There'll be one or two more chapters focusing on it, and then we'll move on to something else. Either way, hope you enjoyed reading this, and see you next chapter!


	5. Five: The Worst is Yet to Come

**Chapter Five: The Worst is Yet to Come**

* * *

Plankton wanted to keep the show going, so he didn't bother to wake Patrick yet, especially since his turn was still a long way away. Thus, he just told Squilliam to "spin the wheel, damn it!"

Squilliam complied, still fuming about the four points he'd lost at the hands of Squidward. Lucky for him, he appeared to have gotten a break, as the wheel went around about one-and-a-half times before stopping on a wedge marked _1._

"Lame, but let's keep going," Plankton said. "Karen, give him his misfortune!"

Karen did as she was told. However, instead of narrating it when she did, she instead pulled an opaque jar from seemingly nowhere and rolled up to Squilliam. "You have to eat- and swallow- one bite of whatever's in this jar while blindfolded."

"Well," Squilliam said, "what's in the jar?"

Karen started laughing. "Even if I knew, do you think I would tell you? That'd kind of ruin the whole point of this if I did." Then, she produced a blindfold. "Whoever is doing this will have to put on this, or they'll forfeit the misfortune and the point that goes with it."

Squilliam, not wanting to give anyone but himself a chance to gain points here, took on this one himself. Thus, he slipped the blindfold over his head and blindly reached for the jar, before sticking a hand inside, withdrawing it, and popping the contents into his mouth without letting anyone else see.

After a few chews, Squilliam began to relax. "Okay, it's just coral. This isn't that hard," he said through a mouthful of the stuff.

But once he swallowed, the hidden dangers of what he'd just eaten kicked in.

At first, it only felt mildly annoying, like someone had given his esophagus a paper cut. But once the stuff hit his stomach, Squilliam felt like the stuff was taking a blowtorch to his insides. "Owwwww! It's burning! It's burning so bad! What in the name of Neptune is in this stuff?"

Mr. Krabs, of all people, suddenly had the lightbulb go off in his head. "Oh! I know! The coral must have been infused with the leftover chemicals from Toxic Patty Tuesday! I heard you can really feel the burn in those patties once they hit your stomach acid. Chemical reactions and all that."

"Well, Squilliam, you get a point plus a letter," Plankton said, "now would you like to-"

Plankton never managed to finish his question. Squilliam clutched his stomach for a brief second, choked out, "I think I'm going to be sick," before running offstage in what was hopefully the direction of a bathroom. The others could only stare and watch, dumbfounded.

"Well, we can't continue until he gets back, so it looks like it's time for more commercials," Karen said. The others sighed in defeat, except for (of course) Patrick. Clearly, it was going to take a lot more than Squilliam's digestive issues to wake him up.

As it was, though, they'd already spent close to an hour and they were still stuck in the first round of the first game. If this kept up, chances were they wouldn't even be home for Christmas.

-oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo-

It took almost fifteen minutes for Squilliam to return, shaking, sweating, and appearing absolutely drained.

"Never… doing another eating challenge again," he choked out before collapsing against his podium. Even just standing was out of the question- he had to prop himself up with his arms.

Plankton sighed. "Karen, just update the board, will you?" Without a second of hesitation, Karen complied.

**_ _ _ , | _ _ Y | _ _ _ | _ | _ _ B _ _ _ _ | _ _ _ E _ _ | _ _ | _ _ _ _?**

"I don't know," Squillam said. "Just pass."

"Makes sense," Plankton said. "Okay, Mr. Krabs, you're the next contestant. Spin the wheel!"

Mr. Krabs gave it a good hard spin, although not quite as powerful as the one Squidward had done just two turns ago. It went almost exactly twice around before finishing up on a wedge marked _3._

"Exactly in the middle, Mr. Krabs," Plankton said. "Karen, let's reveal his misfortune, because I hope it's a doozy this time!"

"Let's hope not," Mr. Krabs muttered under his breath before Karen read her card aloud.

"You have to jump from the edge of the top tier of audience seating, and then land on a three-meter by three-meter square of net, five feet from the ground."

"Okay then," Mr. Krabs said. "That doesn't sound too bad…"

It probably wasn't, at least until they revealed the actual net. That was what made Mr. Krabs start having second thoughts.

"Uh, Plankton… Why is the net covered with sea urchins?"

"It's done to increase the challenge," Plankton said. "Also, don't worry, the urchins aren't going to die when you land on them, they're too durable for that and you won't be falling fast enough.

"I'm not worried about the urchins," Mr. Krabs snapped, "I'm more concerned that those things will poke my eyes out when I land!"

Plankton didn't seem concerned. "Just in case something on or in your body, including your eyes, gets destroyed when you fall down, we have people on standby with replacements." Then, he yelled, "Karen! Can you have someone get the Organ Barrel? And we might need the Limb Barrel too, I'm not sure how clumsy this crab is!"

"Wait," Mr. Krabs said. "Are you actually talking about barrels full of detached limbs and organs, and if you are, how the heck did you get those?"

"Not important," Plankton said quickly. "Just decide whether you're doing this or not, we're far enough behind schedule as it is!"

Pearl, for some reason, looked oddly cheerful. "Daddy, can I do this one? I've always wanted to do something like this, but the cheerleading coach keeps telling us that it's 'too dangerous,'" she said, putting air quotes around the last two words. "Please, Daddy?"

"If you insist," Mr. Krabs said, but he just looked relieved that he wasn't going to be the one jumping. "Plankton, I pass this misfortune off to Pearl."

"Thanks, Daddy!" Pearl darted off, presumably to climb up to wherever she was jumping from. At the very least, this didn't take long- Pearl's face poked out from her vantage point in less than a minute. Then, she bent her knees, closed her eyes, and yelled, "Here I go!" After that, she leapt for the net.

One second, the net had been swarming with sea urchins. The next, a noise that sounded like screaming came from the net, and all the urchins fled the place like it was on fire, changing the landing from a painful (and potentially hospitalizing) one to one that would be harmless as long as she actually stuck it. As it turns out, her landing was both lucky and unlucky.

Luckily, the urchins had abandoned the net, allowing her to hit it dead center.

Unluckily, it wasn't a very well-made net. Thus, when she crashed into it, the thing ripped apart, slowing down her landing a lot but also causing her to fall on her face, and hard.

She got up with a smile, though. "That was amazing! I hope I get that one again!"

"Misfortunes don't repeat, thankfully," Plankton said under his breath. "Anyway, Pearl, you stole three points from Mr. Krabs, and three more letters should appear on the board." And appear on the board they did.

**_ G _ , | _ _ Y | _ _ _ | _ | _ _ B _ _ _ T | _ _ _ E _ _ | _ _ | _ _ _ S?**

Pearl couldn't make heads or tails of that one. "Gray… boat… tentacles?"

"Not even close," Plankton said. "However, Pearl, it's your turn now, so maybe you'll get it next time!"

"Yippee," Pearl said, before marching up to the wheel and spinning it without prompting. However, she appeared to have wound up a little too far. The wheel worked like it was supposed to for a split second, but then it had sped up so much that it took to the air, managing to climb about ten feet up before its spinning slowed. Unfortunately for the wheel (and Pearl), what goes up must come down.

The wheel didn't fall very fast, due to what lift there was due to its spinning, but the crash it made upon impact with the ground was still pretty bad. Several wedges broke, the shards flying everywhere. Most of the remaining ones at least broke off from each other, since the substance binding the wedges together was a lot weaker than the material the wedges themselves were made of. Plankton barely managed to dodge one wayward piece almost twice his size that somehow propelled itself across the stage.

The crash finally woke Patrick up, as he jolted to his feet, yelling, "Huh? What happened? Do I need to go off the grid again?"

"No," Plankton responded, bitterness in his voice, "but we'll have to go to commercial for the third time this game because _someone_ spun the wheel too hard."

"Hey, it's not my fault your wheel's badly made," Pearl said, noticing Plankton glaring at her.

"Whatever," Plankton said. "When we come back, will anyone be able to solve this puzzle? Or will I get so frustrated that I'll explode first? Find out more, right after this."

The cameras stopped rolling, causing Plankton to say, "well, what are you nimrods waiting for? Help me fix this thing!"

Everyone rushed onto the stage, looking for matching pieces to put back together and hoping this thing would be over soon. It had already been over an hour and they were still on the first game. And who knew how many games were set up to come afterward?

This game show had been a total disaster so far. And unfortunately for everyone involved, things weren't going to get much better anytime soon.


End file.
